Lacking willpower? Self-sabotage – is it your fault?
Do you start the day with the best intentions but you find yourself at 2pm reaching for that chocolate bar and then for the rest of the day beat yourself up for giving in to temptation?
I have experienced this and I know Self-sabotage sucks. It drives us crazy and leads to us talking to ourselves in a way we would never talk to anyone else, which done repeatedly can then lead to a downward spiral of emotional turmoil and thoughts like “I am worthless” – all just for eating a yummy chocolate bar at 2pm.
Have you ever thought about how much of your actions are driven by your conscious mind (CM)?
Neuroscientists say, only up to 5% of our daily actions are driven by our conscious mind, therefore our subconscious and our unconscious are really in the driving seat of our decisions and how we live our lives.
For simplicity I will refer to the Subconscious and Unconscious as one and refer to them as UM in this article but there are in fact differences between the Subconscious and Unconscious: –
- Our subconscious oversees our most recent memories and we can choose to remember those memories
- Our unconscious is the equivalent of the cellar of all our memories and past experiences that have been blocked, not necessarily just the bad memories where trauma has been experienced and therefore repressed. Without a special trigger or technique, we cannot remember what the unconscious has repressed but it still serves as a filter for what drives our choices and forms our habits and beliefs.
Our UM is just trying to keep us safe and communicates through our filters, beliefs and habits, to our CM using feelings, imagination and our emotions.
The CM is where you will set goals that you have decided you want to achieve but it is your UM that will determine if your goal will be achieved.
Understanding this now – Do you now think Self-sabotage is your fault?
To beat self-sabotage, you need to ensure both your CM and UM are aligned. How do you do that?
- Mediation, visualizations, hypnosis and other reprogramming approaches like NLP and Creatrix®
The UM can’t distinguish between what is real or made up so if you can imagine something unique you have not experienced your UM can attach whatever feelings you choose to attach to that imaginary story. Many top sports people use visualizations to improve their performance by getting themselves into a meditational state and using visualization to see themselves performing as a winner.
4 tips you can use to help align your CM with your UM
- Listen to your language
Do you say things like I hate exercise I always get injured? It is not your fault that you make excuses to not make it to the gym because your CM is not aligned with your UM mind. Even though you have a goal your UM is just keeping you safe from injury. In my case at one-point my UM believed exercise meant death so I could never stick to an exercise regime and when I did get there never enjoyed it but once that block was released I have managed to get myself to the 5.15am class most mornings for over 3 years and loving it ?
- Be Aware of when you are self-sabotaging
When, where and how – what are you saying to yourself? What are you feeling? Are you feeling sad, happy, angry etc.
- What are your triggers
Note what places or things or people trigger you to self-sabotage. Are you stressed when you reach for that chocolate bar at 2pm? Is it when your kid’s fight that sends you to the fridge do you remember similar experiences when you were a kid. Are there patterns? Sometimes just connecting the dots is enough to overcome those triggers
- Develop new strategies
Once you have identified steps 1-3 you can then work out your best strategy design a new plan and work out when and where to use them.
There is plenty you can do to stop self-sabotage and if you want to explore some of the other methods to align your UM with CM book a block identifier call with me now.
If you are lacking in willpower and wanting to learn how to have a better relationship with food. You will benefit from grabbing a copy of my 10x award-winning book, Eating Secrets.
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